Walking thru the lobby and bathrooms of the local gym there are several pictures of Audrey Hepburn. I always scoff at the pictures and think “that woman didn’t have to work one hard moment in her life to be that beautiful, to be that classy”. Honestly, I don’t know anything about Audrey Hepburn and I’m really only assuming that she had it all together. It’s always so alarming when I start to hear myself self talk of how much I don’t measure up to whatever invisible standard I have of myself in life. I start to question why I’m not as beautiful as the person next to me, why I couldn’t pull off the latest fashion that another person is wearing near me, how my family is not as perfect as another….how I’m not as strong a leader as my co-worker…how my faith is not as strong as the next person. The list goes on and on, sometimes I find my insecurities are draining; and frankly dare I say it Ridiculous! It’s so easy to tear myself down and not to focus on all the gifts and blessings God has given me.
I realize when this self talk happens I have a choice, a choice that I need to make that second. To think am I being fair to compare myself to “Audrey” ?Who am I to judge myself against this invisible standard that I will never measure up to to, and really why am I doing it? The funny thing is if I take a step back and think about what I’m judging myself against I realize that there is no way I could win. I start to lose the moment I allow myself to compare to another person.
I also think…what is this proving? Where do I go from here? It would one thing if after having these thoughts about how amazing Audrey is and how dopey I am, I kick butt at the gym. Alas, that is not the case at all. Instead I get super emotional; decide that working out sucks, and think about stuffing my face with cupcakes and crying to make myself feel better. Then of course after I skip the workout and eat like a fat kid I beat myself up some more about how much I suck for not having any willpower. UGH! The cycle continues….
This is what I know to be true, and has given me such great hope. Classy Audrey could not be me. She couldn’t be anyone else but who she was. Likewise, there is no-one that will ever be like me. My laugh cannot be duplicated, my smile is my own, there is for sure no way anyone could model the same thoughts I have day in and day out or act like how I act everyday. It’s the same for all of us. God has designed us all so uniquely for his pleasure. I’m glad is some ways that when I look at everyone I can see something that I envy. I know that there is a part of everyone of us that God wants to shine as a testament to his greatness. What an awesome God to design so many different facets of people!
I am so thankful for who I am. Although I still continue to struggle with self-doubts and degrading feelings like everyone else, I know that God designed me like that for his purposes. My quirks, strengths, weaknesses….all of it was meant to be.
ps.
You know as it turns out, Audrey Hepburn didn’t think she was all that. There was an article written after her death that says she struggled with thinking she was beautiful. There are also lots of fun quotes on the internet about beauty from her. She was quoted as saying that “True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul” That sounds like a woman who may have had an inkling about God’s design for women. I think she figured out that there is much more to a beautiful person that what you see on the outside. There’s also this quote she made:
“Let’s face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.”
― Audrey Hepburn
Audrey, I like you ALOT better today than I did yesterday. 🙂
sparkle-in-my-eye 